A Thousand Half-loves

(well worth leaving for to take Your madness home)

Hands January 4, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — megab33 @ 7:06 pm

So I don’t listen to music here but for whatever reason, the song “Hands” by Jewel from a few years back has come to me and become my self-proclaimed theme song for my time here.  Jewel captures in tenderly in words what I’ve seen and felt throughout the months I’ve spent in Kamuli.  May the words below speak to you and move you to loving action.

 

If I could tell the world just one thing

It would be we’re all okay

And not to worry because worry is wasteful

And useless in times like these

I won’t be made useless,

I won’t be made idle with despair

I’ll gather around my faith

For light the darkness most fears

 

My hands are small I know

But they’re not yours

They are my own

And I am never broken

 

Poverty stole your golden shoes

But not your laughter

Then heartache came to visit me

But I knew it wasn’t ever after

We’ll fight but not out of spite

Someone must stand up for what’s right

Cause where there is a man who has no voice

There I shall go singing

 

In the end, only kindness matters

 

I will get down on my knees and I will pray

 

We are never broken

 

We are God’s eyes.

We are God’s hands.

 

All Politics Aside… January 4, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — megab33 @ 7:06 pm

Disclaimer:  I must be honest, I cannot take much credit for many of the words written below- I am a but a mere master of paraphrasing the excellent eloquence of others.  I must give credit when credit is due. Thank you John Hopkins School of Public Health for your magazine Zambia in 2005 (thanks Nurain for the magazine- I smiled to myself when I read the article about DPT!) 

As a perused through its pages, there was one story that caught my attention and thus, I shall share with all you who love and care about me so much that you read these ramblings of mine—either that or you just have too much time on your hands and read to elude the boredom… but since I’ll never know for sure, I’ll assume the first— makes falling asleep easier at night to think that what I’m doing here actually does matter and that there are people there who actually do care.  Distance and time can do funny things to your thoughts sometime…  So anyway… back to that magazine article about politics and PEPFAR and you and me…

 

            Michael J. Klag, MD, MPH (of John Hopkins School of Public Health) wrote a compelling piece about his brief visit to Uganda and his experience here.  He visited a few HIV outreach clinics during his travels which I found myself relating to within his first few words.  At the clinic, he was greeted by a passionate applause— purely based upon the country he represented to them.  He was an American.  Besides money and materialism and Hollywood, , most Ugandans are convinced that Americans are the most generous people on the face of this earth.  Now I know what some of you may be thinking—Americans? Generous? Do those two words go together in the same sentence without any sort of derogatory word between them?  Well, I’m here to tell you that according to many, they most certainly do.  America is the land of milk and honey—it’s the land of USAID and PEPFAR.

 

 Mr. Klag was greeted with a warm welcome because he stood before all those PLWHA (people living with HIV/AIDS) as a living manifestation of the generosity of the American people.  The free ARVs (antiretroviral medications) that are distributed here (and throughout much of Africa) come by ways of PEPFAR (the President’s Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief).  PLWHA are living—they’re not dead and thus they clap—or they give you a chicken or a giant yam or offer their eldest son’s hand in marriage in addition to five cows (if you’re me that is). Many Ugandans who are on ARVs are grateful for the medicines that keep them alive—most have had the awful experience of sitting and watching their family and friends die one by one of the disease without they believed there to be no help for—no hope.  Before the availability of ARVs, whole villages were devastated in Uganda by the loss of life.  Presently, there are more than 25 million people in Africa alone infected with HIV—the epidemic’s toll defies comprehension— mine at least.

 

            Nevertheless, I see hope and this hope I learned during my time here.  As I travel to villages and towns I see programs and clinics offering free ARV treatment to the communities which are extending the lives of many- not just prolonging their years but actually improving their quality of those years.  And it’s due in part to PEPFAR—it’s the reason why many are still alive today—“each day’s supply of pills is a day of life preserved.” 

 

            Okay, now granted if any of you are familiar with this plan of President Bush and you’re at all involved with the healthcare sector, I’m sure you’ll be a bit perplexed by my positive portrayal of PEPFAR. From a public health perspective there are many criticisms which I could highlight—many of the restrictions of the Plan seem ridiculous, the hoops one needs to hop through seem endless (like for instance its emphasis solely on abstinence based programs with neglect evidence-based methods of prevention (like condom distribution— can you say vulnerable populations? I guess the prostitutes and drug users don’t deserve a second chance). (ASIDE: sentence ladened in sarcasm—just want to clarify before you jump to conclusions about me!) 

 

Of course PEPFAR has its flaws and imperfections but I have to say wholeheartedly, it’s one thing President Bush did right.  All politics aside, no matter how much you loved or painstakingly endured Bush’s years in office, PEPFAR is making a difference, it’s saving lives.  The program is only funded through the year 2008—at the end of this fiscal year all those here in Uganda and throughout the world will kiss their precious life-saving ARVs goodbye.  PEPFAR needs to be expanded and improved for sure, but not ended.  Americans need to wake up to the reality of the good that can come from a government program and recognize the tremendous effects being seen and felt throughout the world—if not, the Plan may not be renewed.  The termination of this program would essentially assign a death sentence of millions. 

 

Of course, we should not overlook the significance of proclaiming prevention methods to communities nor should we lose hope of the development of a vaccine (which still remains elusive).  Behavioral interventions (much like what we’re doing at AEGY) must be emphasized with “redoubled vigor and creativity”.  The epidemic will never end if each new generation does not learn from the mistakes of the past.  Here in Uganda, most cases of HIV are spread through sexual intercourse which means inevitably abstinence and faithfulness are important messages in the prevention strategy (condom use would reduce risk- not prevent it).  We need to reduce the spread of HIV in order to reduce the lifelong dependency on expensive ARV medications.  Until a cure becomes available, it is our responsibility as fellow human beings to do everything in our power to keep people already infected with HIV alive.  PEPFAR (among a few others like UN’s Global Fund to Fight AIDS, Tuberculosis and Malaria) offer our highest hopes. 

 

Yes, controversy surrounds many of U.S.’s world policies but all in all, PEPFAR is one we got mostly right.  I agree with Mr. Klag when he concludes, “whatever our politics, we have to send a message that what President Bush has done with PEPFAR is a really good thing.  And it cannot be stopped.”  Call the White House, write a letter, go march on Washington.  I don’t know. Be creative.  Let Bush know he did good – at least this one time.       

  

 

New Year’s Resolutions January 4, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — megab33 @ 7:06 pm

Sometimes New Year’s resolutions tend to be a bit more fantasy than reality based but this year, I thought I’d give it a go and write a list of my own.  Hopefully my feet were planted firmly on the ground when writing them, if not, no worries—it just might be an adventurous year than! (some are serious—some are silly!)

  1. Learn to play the guitar.
  2. Practice honesty—often. Even and especially when telling little white lies would be easier.
  3. Give others the benefit of doubt—be less cynical about human nature. Rediscover hope.
  4. See Jesus more as a communal Savior than merely a personal one.  Yes, His death and resurrection covers my sins but it also invites not only me into relationship with Him but with all others who have equally been washed in His blood.  My faith is not only between me and Jesus but must be lived out between me and my fellow man/woman. 
  5. Get another tattoo.  (look Mom—I’m giving more warning this time—no more surprises—aren’t you proud!
  6. Learn to give with a joyous, generous heart and not out of obligation or guilt.  So often—daily—I am asked for money or for help with something that eventually real requests fall on deaf ears as my energy for listening to others burdens is sapped dry.  I find myself often just saying “no sorry, I can’t help” in the nicest way possible without really considering the person or the situation. 
  7. Learn to receive with a gracious, humble heart.  I’m discovering that I’m much better at giving then receiving—when giving I’m in a position of power, of superiority over the receiver—receiving calls for being vulnerable and often admitting need—sometimes my pride gets in the way of allowing others to give to me.
  8. Steer clear of the mall, avoid shopping there.  Buy second-hand.
  9. Leave my days of slaughtering chickens behind. Two was enough for me. Considering becoming a vegetarian.
  10. Say to people “I’ll pray for you”…and actually do it.
 

Christmas just wasn’t the same without… January 4, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — megab33 @ 7:05 pm

Christmas this year just wasn’t the same.   To begin with, it was my first one apart from my family (which I must admit to missing a bit more than I anticipated) and on top of it, I felt like I was run over by a Mack truck being sick with malaria and all.  So as an ode to Christmas and my loved ones, here’s a list of a few of the things that I missed this holiday season (in no particular order).

I missed…

1.                            My mom playing Dino’s renditions of all the Christmas classics on the piano only to have my dad walk in the door and comment on the mysterious, melodious sound of ‘o holy night’ but to complain about her lack of rhythm— his poor drummer ears!

2.                            Attending Christmas Eve service and singing Silent Night while holding a candle and burning myself with the hot wax. 

3.                            Rachel running around the house waking us all up so she can open the few little gifts in her stocking (even though each year its always the same—socks, underwear, a toothbrush).   

4.                            Making breakfast on Christmas morning and screaming at the top of my lungs for my brothers to get their lazy butts out of bed—for a second time.

5.                            Eating ham and pineapple and bread stuffing and green bean casserole and cranberry sauce.  Oh, and my mom’s pumpkin Playing scategories or outburst or scrabble—even if I don’t necessarily feel like it but because I know how much it means to Rachel that I do.

6.                            Watching the Macy’s Day parade and all those ridiculous balloons and marching bands (even if I’d claim to all that I hated it)

7.                            cheesecake roll.

8.                            The smell of the pine needles that invades your senses as you walk into a room with a beautifully decorated evergreen tree.

9.                            The cold.  December is one of Uganda’s hottest months- its not Christmas without a chill.  I miss taking a deep breath of the crisp winter air and having it fill my lungs—what an exquisite reminder that we’re alive!

10.                         The comfort and familiarity of home and holiday traditions—the smiles, the laughter, the arguments and throwing of food—yes, all of it! The dysfunctions are what made Christmas fun and memorable—this is what I miss the most.  Life is messy and miraculous all at the same time.