Home. October 17, 2007

Home. 

Being far away from home and going through an emotional time as this, I’ve been missing it a lot.  It’s caused me to think home in a new way, too, and what follows are my thoughts. 

I got a letter from one of my lovely, dear friends shortly after my arrival here in Kamuli.  I could attempt to paraphrase her words, but I fear they’d lose their value would be lost in translation- so I’ll just quote her directly as her thoughts capture something so deep, so profound, they’ve become questions I ask myself and reminders I say each day.

“It has been a few weeks and you are still in Africa.  A new place that I hope smells and feels more and more like home each day.  I hope that you feel yourself growing and stretching in ways you never before thought possible.  All this in the same of Jesus and because you know that life is best lived when lived in love and for the sake of others.

If we really believe that our home is with Jesus, then should we ever feel totally content where we are? This is the question I have been asking myself recently.  When we wake up, what goals and desires do we have for the day? Are we aware that God is everywhere and thus we have nothing to worry about? Even when no one understands us, the culture we are in does not match up to what we are used to… we still have a home in Jesus.”

As two months have passed, Kamuli is becoming more and more like home.  This truly is an answer to prayer but it also has implications to my connection with those of you at my “other home” as I call the States here.   As this is becoming more and more my community, I’m coming to face the reality for this to occur, the community I left behind must inevitably become less and less. This of course, certainly does not mean that my love for any of you there is any less or that I’ve completely disregarded all thoughts about the people and places left behind.  Of course, I think of you often.  Of course, I love you.  Don’t be ridiculous!  What this does mean, though, that for this season of my life, I’ve made a decision.  I’ve chosen to make a commitment to the people here in Kamuli, to intentionally be focused here, now.  This is my home. 

Now please don’t jump to the conclusion that this means that you should no longer email, snail mail, or call me. Quite the contrary, I still do want to hear from you, very much!  I feel the need, however, to clarify expectations of responses on my end.  I assure you, don’t lose sleep thinking I’m not reading the emails you send- I read them, I really do!  It’s the replying to them that is the problem.

That’s the tension in which I now live, the balance of past and present and future, too.  Gosh, I wish I could remember what our Baccalaureate was about right now- it had something to do with this theme… actually, it might have just been “BE”.   Maybe someone can help me here and refresh my memory… after all, it was only 4 months ago!  Anyhow, I’m not there, but if I’m not all here either.  I’m torn in the middle.  Learning to nurture relationships from afar is tough while putting forth effort into building new ones here. 

I will communicate when I can, if you don’t hear from me, please don’t worry! It probably just means that I’ve been busy developing relationships or riding on motorcycles or running through rainstorms. Or the electricity has been off for a week.  I’m here, no worries.