Oh, Uganda… August 28, 2007

In stormy times, look for a rainbow.

 

These were the final words I penned in my journal last week in Akron at the close of our orientation week.  Steven, another SALTer destined for Bolivia, shared this phrase with Melissa and I on the night before we all departed for our various assignments.  He encouraged us that whenever things aren’t going well, wherever we are, whether we’re missing home and all that’s familiar, when the barriers to communication just seem to be too high—to look for a rainbow in the midst of the stormy time.  When our hearts are troubled, rainbows can be a reminder of God’s promise of faithfulness. 

 

Yes, I will admit this may sound a bit cliché, but I saw a rainbow the other evening… and I needed it.  It was a breathtaking sight, a much needed reminder of God’s love and care.  Immediately, I smiled to myself and thought of orientation.  In the depths of my being, I knew this rainbow was somehow meant for me, a divine reassurance that everything is going to be okay.  More than anything, in that rainbow, I saw hope.

 

I am glad that I waited to write a post until now.  Had I written earlier, my tone may have been different- far more pessimistic and troubled.  I cannot deny that this past week here in Kamuli has truly been one of the most challenging weeks of my life.  It’s been a rollercoaster of emotion- extreme highs tempered by extreme lows.  The excitement of new encounters and new experiences matched with the loneliness and frustrations of being so far from all that is familiar.  For the few that I emailed, thanks for your prayers and loving me—I probably sounded like a wreck in them… which may not have been too far from the truth!

 

When it comes down to it, and I don’t care how silly or cliché this may sound- that rainbow that I saw the other evening signified God’s presence here with me in the midst of all these overwhelming, competing emotions.  I am also recognizing and rejoicing in these intensely polar opposite feelings—it’s invigorating to actually feel again!  After four years of busyness, I adopted the terrible habit of compartmentalizing my emotions or worse yet, internalizing them.  As much as I’m not enjoying the pain and difficulty of being here, I am celebrating the freedom to feel both joy and sorrow again… really feeling it.  Somehow, in someway, it’s rejuvenating for my soul.  I’m learning the necessity of looking at things- people, places, situations, as they simply are: painful, pleasant, lonely, wonderful, overwhelming…

 

During orientation week, we were asked to reflect on our expectations and goals for this year of service.  In the process of mediating on my thoughts with respect to this, my desire for this year is to have my relationship with God (and others!) to be defined not by how I may feel at the present moment but by the character of who Christ is.  My emotions are far too labile to trust.  I need something greater than that… I hope this year teaches me to trust. 

 

Orientation (or at least my interpretation of it) seemed to paint a much different picture of what my first six weeks here would be like.  I expected to arrive to a wonderful honeymoon-like wave of joyful emotions—much to my dismay, quite the contrary is true.  Here in Kamuli, I’ve met some wonderful people- my host family for instance has been great.  They are beautiful people and a loving family and have gone out of their way to make me feel a part of their family.  Yet, with all the children in the house- there are 9 of them- 4 biological and 5 orphans they’ve taken in- there is so much commotion that I often just blend into the woodwork.  I often feel isolated and alone.  As my language studies progress, I hope that my ability to mumble out a few phrases of reasonably coherent words to begin the process of communicating with the family and tearing down the walls of isolation.  Lusoga, the language I’m learning, has proven to be a challenge.  Although English is the national language here, only the educated speak it well.  My host parents are fluent in English, however, their children are not.  My expectations of communicating in my native tongue have been dashed by the sober reality of the necessity to learn Lusoga.  I have two more weeks of language training courtesy of MCC, but I may extend it and dip into my own funds.  Lusoga is a Bantu language, meaning not only to I have to grasp the proper pronunciations of vowel & consonant combinations unbeknownst to me in the English language, I have to learn to pronounce the words in the proper pitches and tones as they dictate the words meaning. 

 

Oh, Uganda….

 

In a conversation this past spring, a friend of mine helped to coin this phrase as my mantra for this year.  Oh, Uganda— as all other words seem inadequate to grasp the plethora of emotions that this year and this country mean to me… being in an entirely new culture so different from the one I am accustomed to… so far away from all my loved ones- friends and family who I’ve depended upon for nearly 23 years for support.  All my hopes and dreams for this year, all my fears and doubts are summed up in those two words…  There are certainly moments when I fight back the tears and ask myself what in the world I’m doing here… but then, I’m invited to attend a wedding or asked to share a cup of tea with a neighbor or an unexpected, understanding friend calls from the States or I see a rainbow.

 

This is when I’m reminded why I’m here.  This year is about relationships- both new and old.  It’s about learning to look past cultures, races, genders, classes, and stigmas to see beyond them and recognize the universal humanity in us all.  It’s about forgiving and reconciling.  Ultimately, this year is about making the deliberate choice to live and to love.

 

Oh, Uganda…

a future not our own… August 18, 2007

It’s my last night in the States… I cannot think of any other way to leave but with the words of Oscar Romero….

It helps, now and then, to step back and take a long view.The kingdom is not only beyond our efforts,
it is even beyond our vision. We accomplish in our lifetime only a tiny fraction
of the magnificent enterprise that is God’s work.
Nothing we do is complete, which is a way of saying
that the kingdom always lies beyond us.
No statement says all that could be said.
No prayer fully expresses our faith.
No confession brings perfection.
No pastoral visit brings wholeness.
No program accomplishes the church’s mission.
No set of goals and objectives includes everything.This is what we are about.
We plant the seeds that one day will grow.
We water seeds already planted,
knowing that they hold future promise. We lay foundations that will need further development.
We provide yeast that produces far beyond our capabilities.We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation
in realizing that. This enables us to do something,
and to do it very well. It may be incomplete,
but it is a beginning, a step along the way,
an opportunity for the Lord’s grace to enter and do the rest. We may never see the end results, but that is the difference
between the master builder and the worker.We are workers, not master builders; ministers, not messiahs.
We are prophets of a future not our own. 

I shall miss you, I love you.

Peace be with you.

Geez… August 16, 2007

In honor of my newly beloved Canadians friends- and as proof there are more good things that come from Canada than just maple syrup and Wayne Gretzky- I would like to share this wonderful, witty new magazine with anyone who actually reads this silly little blog of mine.

“Geez- Holy Mischief in an Age of Fast Faith” is the magazine which has recently caught my attention- Kerri, Sarah Rehn, and Liz Laribee, you will surely love it- and the most recent issue entitled “Seeing the Wonder” has been part of my nightly bedtime routine.

Below in one such article I found amusing…

Paradigm Stabilizers Keep busy. Keep moving travel as much as possible, and when you do, find familiar restaurants. Find the most efficient route to work, to school. Then don’t’ stray from your patterns. Mingle with like-minded people; avoid cross-cultural, inter-racial, trans-class encounters. Make smart financial decisions consider market forces natural. Don’t do anything foolish avoid awkward situations; avoid danger. Get various alarm systems. Avoid people who talk to themselves. Think nasty thoughts about SUV drivers. Watch TV, movies migrate to four-cornered screens of any kind. Like the average North American, spend 90% of your time indoors.

Paradigm Shifters Allow yourself to be thoroughly, extraordinarily, radically bored. Resist the regular hustle of daily life. Who knows what you might learn. Play with children; dream with the elderly. Write a poem; learn a new craft or art form; resist the temptation to compare your work with others, especially with stuff in stores and galleries. Go dumpster diving or second-hand shopping; see old as new. Better yet, reverse the exercise: bring items back to the thrift store. Clean up after others the next time you use a public bathroom. Taste the humility in the process. Brag about this to friends; just kidding, monitor your self-righteousness. Talk differently. Maybe slow down your phraseology. Or insert the words, “like” and “totally” several times in a sentence pay attention to how that makes you feel. Study history. Forgo the trip to a less-industrialized country. Meet new immigrants from that region; listen to their stories, assist as needed. Or, hang out with marginalized people in your community. Pick up a book by an author with whom you strongly disagree and read it with interest. Visit a church from a strange denomination. Better yet, visit a new faith (or no-faith) group and embrace difference. Shave your head. Wear the same clothes for four days straight. Or keep the store-tag on your shift if you buy one new. Watch your TV for 15 minutes with it turned off. Read only words written by women. Eat from another person’s plate in a restaurant. Put your fork down between every single bite and really eat. The next time a telephone solicitor calls, veer from the script. Aim to humanize the encounter; ask him where his office is located ask her what the weather’s like there. When a clerk or sales rep hands you a savings coupon, hand it back and say, “Oh, I don’t need that, I have too much money already.”

The Word of the Year…. August 16, 2007

 The word of the year… drum roll, please…is…

COMMUNICATION.   

Communication, an active process of exchanging information and ideas, according to Webster and his handy dictionary.  Sounds simple enough when articulated in such a confined one dimensional way, yet from years and years of experience of mucking up relationships because of things I’ve said (or not said), I must confess, I am a culprit of miscommunication.   Session after session, more and more about crossing cultures has been discussed these past few days of orientation- with communication and its absolute importance arising continuously in conversation.  Today, in fact, we had an entire two hour block devoted to it.  Cross-cultural communication, that is.   An excellent conversation was carried on between myself, another SALTer, Michelle (who will also be serving in Uganda), and two young men from Mozambique about this topic, however, at the end of it, I was left a bit uneasy.   I guess the moral of it all is that as, George Bernard Shaw puts much more eloquently than I ever could that—

 “the problem with communication… is the illusion that is has been accomplished”. 

Over and over again, it was emphasized that here in the States, we are direct in our communication patterns- if I have a problem with you, I’ll approach you directly and honestly tell you how I feel (assuming, of course, that I’m not the passive-aggressive type).  In Uganda, however, and other non-western cultures for that matter, the direct approach would not only be ineffective, it would be inappropriate.  Thus, I am left to communicate via indirect routes such as through a third party source.  To me, as an product of my American environment, seems a bit… odd.  Different.  Unfamiliar.   

Much of my trepidation with communication arises from my concerns about my relationship with my host family.  I am an American.  They are Ugandan.  I have my set of values, they have theirs. I have familiar traditions, they have theirs which are foreign.  Our two worlds will be colliding in a matter of days and neither will ever be the same again… or perhaps, I am being a bit dramatic.  When all is said and done, I must confess my nervousness in regards to my host family.  I look forward to getting to know them, yet with all this talk of miscommunication between cultures and just how common it is, I am certain that there will be misunderstandings in our future.  Of course, I don’t intend to offend them in what I do/say, but I also know that this will be difficult as I enter into a family that has unknown and unfamiliar dynamics and values to me.  I also recognize the risk this family is taking my inviting me to become a part of it.  Life is much more communal in Uganda and as this family opens its arms to me, they are standing before their neighbors, their church, their community- and accepting responsibility for me (and thus, all my actions).  What I do, will reflect them.  I’m still in the process of wrapping my mind around what all that means…   

Being More Specific… August 14, 2007

Orientation has begun.  I find myself, once again, enjoying the beauty of Central PA and its farmland and fresh air.  Its a tad bit idyllic, I must confess- the reality of my departure for Uganda only seems but a haze in the distance.  Each day seems to be busier than the last and I’ve been a bit reminiscent of my first few weeks at Messiah College four years ago as I interact with the other SALTers here.  All the dynamics of Welcome Week seem to be playing out all over again, this time, I’m four years older and thankfully, much wiser.

I’ve been learning a good deal about the MCC, the organization in which I will be representing throughout this next year in Uganda.  I did my best to thoroughly research various Christian organizations before committing to one in the months of my search and although I had a basic understanding of the MCC and felt that I could stand behind its mission and values, I can say with confidence today that I am happy here and can stand in agreement representing a similar philosophy of faith and service.

Thus, I thought it only necessary to include a bit about the MCC as its views depict much of the transformation Messiah College had upon my faith and walk with Christ.

The Mennonite Central Committee’s mission statement is made up of three parts-

(1) Mcc seeks to demonstrate God’s love by working among people suffering from poverty, conflict, oppression, and natural disaster.

2) MCC serves as a channel of interchange by building relationships that are mutually transformative.

(3) MCC strives for peace, justice, and dignity of all people by sharing our experiences, resources, and faith in Jesus Christ.

Addressing other specifics of this year, it’s only appropriate to include a description of my “job” in Kamuli–Kamuli, the district in which I will be living, is located 3-4 hours northeast of Kampala, the capital of Uganda.  I will be serving in the capacity of a psycho-social assistant in an organization developed and run by members in the community who identified the need to educate their youth in the prevention of HIV.  I will be joining the AIDS Education Group for Youth (AEGY) in their mission to train and educate the young people of the community through the monitoring of peer education clubs, conducting health education in primary schools, teaching support groups for people living with AIDS, visiting home-bound members of these groups, tutoring AIDS orphans, and other various office related roles.

WOAH… What in the world did I get myself into!?!  I certainly feel quite inadequate to fill all those roles and expectations, yet at the same moment, I know that I am going to learn just as much as I am going to serve.

Contact Information… August 11, 2007

Here’s some basic information about keeping in contact with me:

Email is the most convenient and quick- Megab33@gmail.com 

If you enjoy writing letters, I certainly would enjoy reading them.  Snail mail (as I like to call it) does take a while, but if you’re patient, grab a piece of paper and a pen!

Megan Bennicoff

c/o AIDS Education Group for Youth

P.O. Box 170 Kamuli

UGANDA

East Africa

 (disclaimer: please send only letters, no packages.  Although I would be overjoyed to receive a care package, I really do not want to pay the outrageous handing fee to obtain it from the Ugandan Postal Service, thanks).

Rainy Mornings… August 3, 2007

As months turned into weeks and weeks turned into days, the realization that I will actually be leaving soon has finally hit me.  In eight (short) days, I’ll be heading out to Akron, PA for a week of orientation/training with other SALTers.  In the meantime, I’m savoring every sweet moment with family and friends. 

 At the request of some, I’m including below the ‘talk’ I shared at a few local churches about how the past four years shaped me for this upcoming SALT experience. 

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RAINY MORNINGS  

Rainy mornings are my favorite.  Waking to the enchanting pitter-patter sound of rain lightly falling is hands down the most wonderful way to start off a day.  Listening to nature’s wake up call is so therapeutic- the way the rain drops hit the glass of the window in an endless, rhythmic- yet peaceful and gentle- cadence.  Then there’s that certain feeling of the air on a rainy morning- no matter the time of year it is, the temperature is always just cold enough outside to make you want to curl up into ball and pull the comforter up to the tip of your nose savoring every ounce of warmth beneath it.  You lay there for just five more minutes in perfect contentedness dreaming of a breakfast of French toast and maple syrup the way you mother used to make it when you were growing up.  And then this idyllic moment is abruptly interrupted.  Reality rushes back quickly through the abrasive sound of your alarm clock or your roommate’s music blaring in the room next door.  Instantly, you realize that you can’t lie in bed any longer and enjoy the rain because you’re already running late for class or worse yet- clinical. You drag yourself out of bed as quickly as you can and promptly get ready and rush out the door.  Instead of French toast you grab a bagel for yet another breakfast on the go.  You sprint across campus and make it just in time before the lecture begins.  I am not sure if any of you can relate to this scenario but this seemed to be a common reality for me.  So much for that early morning moment of peace and contentment!As Dr. Seuss would say, college has been a whole lot of rushing here and there and everywhere.  I stand today to admit that this was one of the biggest challenges I faced during these past four years of nursing school.  My schedule always seemed to be full – there always seemed to be either a class or clinical to attend, a chapter to be read or an exam to prepare for.  I found myself moving so fast from one thing to another that I was going through motions and completely missing the simple things of life- like rainy mornings.  It was these subtle, seemingly little things -that are so splendidly breathtaking! – that I allowed to be drowned out by the demands of my crazy schedule and busy life.This is one of the many lessons I’ve learned from Messiah’s nursing program, a lesson that transcends beyond my practice as a nurse but also greatly affects who I am as a person and child of God.  A simple shift in perspective taught me to just “be” in the moment and get caught up in the excitement and wonder of the here and now. Through nursing, I learned to look around me and actually see people; to listen and actually hear.  I learned to celebrate the little things- including the beautiful sunrises I saw while driving to early morning clinicals and receiving a passing grade on nursing exams.   I’ve realized that these past four years, I had been at risk for missing out on the adventures God had in store because I was always thinking about what was next.  I worried as to how I was going to cram all this “stuff” into my schedules while still maintaining some sort of sanity.  Thankfully, the day has come to graduate and I’ve survived nursing and still have my sanity preserved while learning a thing or two about the importance of balance.  Learning when to say yes and when to say no is a skill that is of utmost importance not only to nursing but to life as well.  Rainy mornings have become a glimpse of God’s grace to me as they serve as reminders to be silent and still and filled with amazement and awe.  I share all this with you because these past four years at Messiah College have played an integral part in my plans for the future, particularly the next year of my life.  With a degree in nursing, my options seemed to be endless and a bit overwhelming.  As I prayed about which direction to head, some doors opened while others closed.  In the midst of this discerning where to go/what to do after graduation, the opened doors led to me an organization closely affiliated with Messiah College’s Anabaptist roots- the Mennonite Central Committee.  I will be participating in the Mennonite Central Committee’s (MCC) Serving and Learning Together (SALT) program.  SALT is an 11-month program for Christians between the ages of 18-27 interested in a cross-cultural service experience.  Through participation in the daily lives and realities of communities in need, SALT participants such as myself, will learn, reflect, absorb and above all, change as personal transformation is one of the primary goals of the program.As a SALTer, I will join MCC’s community-based HIV/AIDS education and care partner, AIDS Education Group for Youth (AEGY) in Kamuli, Uganda.  Kamuli is a rural district 3-4 hours northeast of the capital Kampala.  Farming is the major economic activity- so I should feel right at home!  AEGY was founded by compassionate Christians who saw their neighbors and friends dying of AIDS with very little support or health education available to them in the area, so they decided to take action.  My role as an HIV/AIDS Education Psycho Social Assistant is to assist in training and monitoring their peer educator clubs, conducting health education at primary schools, teaching support groups for people living with AIDS and orphans, visiting home-bound members of these groups, and tutoring orphans at a primary school.Thank you again for having me here this morning and for listening to me share about this exciting experience.  May Christ shine into your life in a way so powerful that you can’t ignore it; that your only option is to wonder in awe at His glory.